OK so officially this post is late for anyone keeping track - but it is with good reason. With such rich pickings on the news front promised by the European election results on the sunday night it felt a bit pointless to do this before they were announced - given that most things said would be obsolete or out of date (a possible pitt fall for an article claiming to be "topical").
The results were alot to take in so its hard to know where to begin. I have opted for a sort of "euro-countdown" approach...
1. coming in first place, with 25 seats we have the conservatives... not a great surprise here, they have claimed it was a huge victory BUT if you look at the numbers (and i have) they didn't really get that many more votes than last time round - its just that labour got so much less than the 2004 elections it sort of pushed the Conservatives into the pole position. So in that respect its a bit like winning a sprint race because your major opponent tripped, fell and knocked their head so hard that they fell unconscious (maybe died). This means that in real terms there victory was about as hollow as an easter egg and mearly built on the failures of others around them. Not overly impressive really but a winners a winner however feeble the victory.
2. in second with 13 seats we have... UKIP! a bit of a surprise here because they are a bit of a fringe party. UKIP's message is essentially "we don't like europe and think we should leave" - quite how getting a job in europe is meant to back up this message I don't rightly know. Its a bit like me saying "i don't think Christianity's very good - we should get rid of all the christians" and then going and getting myself ordained and practicing as a priest for four years. Dosen't make any fucking sense! plus that means the ultimate goal of all of UKIP's MEP's (members of the european parliament) is to get themselves fired! What!? well good luck with that one guys...
3. in third - also with 13 seats is our very own ruling party - Labour! apparently they have done even worse than people were expecting by coming third... who are these people? because I for one was certainly them to do this badly... i'm going to leave out a full and frank explanation of Labour's troubles and failings until next week for now - it needs a blog of its own really but suffice to say they will be crying into their porridge for a few weeks yet about this one.
4. 11 seats go to the liberal democrats but seeing as nobody gives a toss about them we shall just move swiftly on past...
now we are really just down to a few scattered percentage points but the big disappointment of the evening was the BNP getting two whole seats... for those unfamiliar with the BNP; they are our native racists, which - in my eyes at least - probably doesn't make them the best candidates for dealing with an INTERNATIONAL parliament (i have highlighted the INTERNATIONAL to accentuate irony). i mean think about it... they could come into contact with a black man or anything! its just not safe for a poor little racist in that big mean multi-colourd europe. The most humane thing to do would be to just put them out of their misery before the traumas can even take place...
Yes i did just call for the deaths of the two BNP's to win seats in europe (just think of it as a retrospective abortion), and before the rest of them get jealous i would like to extend the sentiments to all BNP party members also - and encourage happy slapping on anyone who voted for them.
I'm tired of writing this now but could easily rant about the BNP for several more pages - I would encourage people to leave the most controversial insults they can muster for the BNP across the web... i think the country would love to hear them.
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