Con-Dem(ned)? maybe.

Well we all did our little choosing bit and, collectively at least, we couldn't. No party returned with an over all majority - you might have noticed, it was a week ago after-all. Any sort of post on here between now and then would have been out of date probably before i even hit send so you can file that under the "excuses" section of my election coverage...

So here we are, after all the negotiation, left with what was really the only viable option given our election results. A conservative minority government would have been undermined within mere months and although there was some flirtation of a Lib-Lab coalition this was a doomed idea when you take into account that it would have been dependent upon the support of the Scottish National Party among others. The SNP would have supported Labour alright, like a rope supports a hanging man (thats my favorite journalistic quip by the way). So to the final option, albeit unlikely, a Conservative and Lib Dem alliance.

There is no reason why their leaders shouldn't get on; both white, privately educated, ox-bridge upper-middle class types. You might well have an easier time telling identical twins apart but, although the new Ant and Dec of Downing Street may be all lovey dovey, the parties are still very different. An agreement seems to have been reached amicably but thats not so hard when its all new and exciting, when the buzz dies down and the disagreements flare up it might not be so easy to find the common ground. Im sure there will be many such incidents for us to pour over in the coming term, indeed there will be plenty of time for it as the ambition for our new PM is that the coalition will last a full five years! let me say it here for you all to remember, I give it two.

That just leaves us with one burning question, what are we to call this mongrel of a government? Lib-Con? Libservative? Con-Dem(ned)? well that may be just right.

I have embedded a video for you to watch instead of my usual cartoon because Its one of those ridiculous moments you should really all see. Just the beginning bit though, feel free to ignore Cameron's Monologue.

2010 - an election odyssey

Well any point in the last three weeks would have been a good one for me to turn attention to this woefully overlooked blog. This is, of course, due to the small matter of a general election! So finally i get round to it and yes - it is almost over - but the most important bit isn't. That being the actual election.

Party leaders strutting up and down the country trying to increase likability is a nice warm-up act and certainly churns out some entertainment but for most people (this time more than any other) it tends not to help in the actual decision making. TV debates maybe, but having heard nothing but very drawn-out analysis and opinions on them for the last three weeks I'm somewhat disinclined to add to it.

I thought, instead, a brief go at predicting the result might be appropriate, if you read it before the result it will be interesting and informative and if you read it afterwards it will be either laughably inaccurate or impressively close (or neither and therefore dull, but lets not dwell on that)

so here it goes...

Conservatives will be first. With most seats and most votes but NOT enough for an overall majority. They just haven't managed to pull away in terms of popular support and in the end that will leave them just short of the win they need to lay rights to forming the next government. I say "just short" because i do think they will come reasonably close, possibly just a hand-full of seats away from the prize, but ultimately they still fail.

Labour will be second. Defiantly-defiantly in seats and probably-defiantly in votes. Its seats that matter though so a few people might whine about the vote-count but it wont alter the fact that they will be the second largest party. considering how badly they were doing at one point this result might not be a complete catastrophe. Think of it as grasping defeat from the jaws of infinitely-more-embarrassing-defeat.

Liberal Democrats live in third and they will not be moving (much as they would like to). they may come close(ish) to Labour in votes but they will not surpass them. The surge of support for Nick Clegg was delicate and shallow, alot of it will have blown away now the big TV debate craze is behind us. Despite this they will do better than they have in recent years as they now enjoy a raised profile so people will at least remember them while they are in the voting booth and plumping for the underdog is always an attractive alternative for peoples support.

So what does this mean? well my prediction would leave us with a hung parliament and that is certainly the most likely outcome of this general election. the Toris could still win it but its a slim chance they will and that leaves us, very definitively, with a hung parliament. I could write a whole new blog on what that would entail - and maybe i will - but for now i will leave it there and let you get back to your face-booking or whatever...

Welcome to the budget

Given that the budget is due to be unveiled i thought we might take a moment to look over what it might contain. Well of course we all know what the budget is; the plan for how the government will be spending our taxes in the year ahead (despite the fact they might be voted out in a matter of weeks but hey, lets humor them). So where to begin?

Well its difficult to begin because how can we discuss where money may or may not go when there is none. We don't have any. We are quite aggressively digging out the bottom of our national overdraft as it stands and it will probably be some time before we are back in the black. That statement doesn't do the situation justice, I mean we are REALLY broke. Billions of broke. So how can such a monumentous financial fail possibly be remedied?

Luckily for us banking and money is very much computer rooted in this modern world so, when things get rough, we can just make up a few numbers, type them in, and email them away to where they are wanted. One Million sir? yes I'll just pop that in the computer-me-bob and it'll be with you before you can say "expenses". So I won't be predicting how are taxes will be spent, because i can't - they were spent about 18 months ago.

But i will enjoy watching Alistair Darling reel off some made up numbers, and if the made up numbers are big and pretty enough, delivered with a smile and perhaps a flick of one of those enormous eyebrows, we might forget that we are all fucked. Just for a bit.

Call me FABULOUS!

Certainly i have neglected this for while, again. No fancy excuse just busy and i couldn't really be bothered with the pictures - they take a long time - but here we are anyway in 2010 and i suppose its about time to gear this back up again.

Lots of things have been happening already this year most recently the coup that never was saw a couple of government has-beens throwing small, poorly-aimed stones of discontent against iron case of Gordon Brown (its a metaphor) i think i have always said Gordon would lead Labour into the next election and if i didn't then i have alway thought he would and you will have to take my word for it. When it does come to election time we will likely see Labour loose quite pointedly and that will surly spell the end of him as leader of his party but up until then he is still the biggest and baddest boy in the playground, but this sort of image should really be an advantage when you consider the opponent...

David "call me Dave" Cameron has been slammed before as all frills and no thrills. He is every bit what you think a leader should be at first glance but remember this is a shallow celebrity culture we live in and upon closer inspection you could not be faulted for think that Cameron is more of an actor playing the part than the real McCoy. its hard to really pin down what he is getting at most of the time, he seems to be somewhat with out substance. An issue only compounded and highlighted by the new pre-election campaign poster released recently featuring the man in question airbrushed to the standard of any high-end fashion mag...

a bit less "call me Dave" and a bit more "call me FABULOUS!"